Ask Not What Your Dog Can Do For You -Ask What You Can Do For Your Dog
“How to do I train a dog that has no food or toy drive?” A form of this question abounds in dog training social media pages and at workshops. It seems to be a common question that I want to give a decent answer to, longer and more in-depth than I can in a social media answer.
We do not need to use food or toys to train dogs. The key is connecting with the dog. Once you connect with a dog, it becomes easier to train a dog, and after connection, the food or praise will be accepted better. My suggestion usually goes something like this, “Find what the dog values and likes to do, and do that with the dog. Usually dogs like to sniff, dig, explore, climb or hunt. Dogs value safety and a social pack to live with. Try connecting with the dog on their level in doing things dogs enjoy, with them.”
The reply to my short suggestion goes something like this, “I have done nose/scent work. I take the dog on walks, and the dog sniffs things on walks. I have tried to get the dog to take food from my hands. The dog chases birds and critters in the yard and on walks. It hasn’t made a difference.”
The reason what the person replying has not achieved success is because the operative words “WITH THE DOG” have been overlooked or misinterpreted in implementation. It took me a while to figure out how to connect with a dog on the dog’s level, while I was helped by some great people and dogs along the way. My experience in rehabilitating feral dogs has forced me to look beyond food and toys and learn how to connect with a dog at his or her core. Feral dogs will not take food and certainly don’t want to play with me. In fact, they would rather I go away all together. Don’t work with feral dogs? Keep reading. What I will suggest will help you reach ALL dogs better.
What I am about to suggest is so simple and obvious, people don’t think it will work. On the other hand, this advice has been called “brilliant” more than once by those that have tried it with their dogs. I wanted to share what I have learned from my mentors and the dogs that have allowed me to connect with those dogs that may be harder to reach. It is relationship-based dog rehabilitation and training because it is based on the relationship the dog has to you and how the dog sees you. Please keep in mind this is a very truncated, simplified version of the entire thought process of implementing relationship-based training and rehabilitation.
When I suggest the mindset of “joining the dog” in what they find valuable, it is usually combined with a quizzical look. Usually, people think they are the center of their dog’s world just because we are human, a supposedly higher being with greater intelligence, and they are dogs. But often I find the dog is in limbo between feeling afraid, unsure, confused, controlling, and devoted to their human companions. I like to work on why the dog may see the humans this way and correct that by having the humans change what they are doing. I also train dogs in the more typical sense, but a partnership that is pro-social so all members of the group benefit and thrive from the DOG’S point of view is my goal. It requires people to let go of what they want, what they expect the dog to do, and actually observe and get to know that particular dog, and change their behavior accordingly. This process requires little of the dog except to be a dog, but asks humans to leave the familiar and try something new, but very rewarding. If we learn about dogs and what they value, we can connect with them better and truly become a best friend to our canine companions.
Our dogs are often controlled, told no, encouraged to be overly excited, or put in harm’s way because we don’t communicate effectively and understand our dogs. Do dogs enjoy their comforts of living in a home with us? I believe so. But I think most dogs go through life misunderstood and not having as full of a relationship as they could with their humans. I have to ask myself, “Do dogs long for something more substantial; a more meaningful connection from us?” I think they would gladly welcome it along with humans better understanding their view of their world.
The simple answer:
Find what is important to THAT dog and do that WITH them. Here Chicory and I are looking out of reach other as a pro-social team.
Before I explain more detailed examples of how to join your dog in what they value, let me give a humbling example of when I was coming to terms with the issue of how to connect with a dog that didn’t care if I was present or not. I was taking a 9-day course with Nelson Hodges from Canine-Human Relationship Institute. In this course, the five students were given a rescued husky to be with and connect with over 9 days’ time. We are with the dog 24/7 during the 9 days. We would all stay somewhere separate at night, then regroup at the training center every morning. Our goal was to find a way to connect with our dogs without using any typical training techniques. This meant no food rewards, no toy rewards, no corrections on a leash, no training tools at all except a martingale collar and a leash. We were supposed to figure out how to connect with this dog so that the dog will willingly want to cooperate with us and see us as a valuable pack member. A beautiful, confident, aloof red husky named Chicory was going to educate me on what I didn’t know – and I am forever grateful to him.
When I met Chicory, he was a cool dude; too cool to pay attention to us lowly humans. He walked around the students, but was not interested in greeting us. He was not aggressive in any way; just very self-assured. Chicory was calm and well behaved, but he wanted to do nothing I requested of him. He blankly looked at me and dismissed what I asked of him. I realized that he understood what I meant, but saw no point in doing anything with me. Chicory didn’t dislike humans. He just saw no need for them. For two days, I was a weight at the end of the leash as we walked around the neighborhood at our Airbnb or the training center. Since I was allowing Chicory to do what he liked, in hopes of learning about him, I started to notice a pattern in Chicory’s behaviors. He had a great desire to walk the perimeter of the training center’s fenced area every time we arrived. At every corner of the fence he would stop, survey the land by using his eyes and his nose, and then move on to the next corner. He also loved to be up on an object, like a picnic table, to watch and sniff his surroundings. After two days my brain started to realize what was going on in Chicory’s mind. Light bulb moment. Chicory wanted to survey the territory of his new pack and keep everyone safe.
The third morning, I came to the center with a plan. I was going to JOIN Chicory, mentally and physically, in actively surveying the territory for danger or anything interesting to him. The previous days, I was at the end of the leash behind Chicory letting him do this by himself. But this morning, I walked a little in front of Chicory to the first corner of the fenced area, squatted down so I was next to him and in his peripheral vision, sniffed the air audibly, and looked out across the land, actively taking in the birds, bugs, butterflies, cows next door and anything else that moved. Chicory looked at me, and I think he internally smiled to himself while thinking, “silly human is finally concerned about her survival. Maybe this one will be useful to help me do my self-appointed job of protecting the pack.”
We surveyed all the corners of the fenced yard that morning – together as a team. I wasn’t checking my phone or thinking about other things when I was surveying territory with Chicory. It was our time together doing what was exceptionally important to Chicory deep in his soul. I started walking perimeters of every new place I went with Chicory. Home Depot? We walked the edge of the garden center or the edge of the store, or at least the area of the store we were in. Restaurant? We walked around the parking lot and the outdoor seating area. A new park? We walked around the edges of the park and smelled areas that may contain a threat or interesting bit of information. (Remember dogs can smell things we don’t know exist, like the coyote that just walked by five minutes before). Something changed between Chicory and I that third day. He started to pay more attention to me. I hope he started to trust me and find value in my existence.
Chicory then started to placate me by walking on curbs, climbing on rocks, and going over jumps. We started climbing on playgrounds (without kids present) so we could explore and climb together. We traded “asks”. I asked him to do something, then I did something he wanted to do. We played and had fun too. He had a goofy side and he liked to play like a dog plays. He climbed up and down a ladder to a second-floor lookout at a playground with me. By taking his need for safety and security seriously, I was getting oodles in return. Chicory would come and smell things I pointed out to him. I realized how altruistic his vigilance was by him not just looking out for himself, but our entire group. I learned to become a team player, partner, and pack mate with Chicory.
I didn’t presume Chicory was dumb or stubborn because he wouldn’t blindly cooperate with me. Why should he? He didn’t know me and I was obviously clueless about safety, according to him, because I didn’t bother to check for danger those first two days. By joining Chicory in what was important to him, I became a trusted and worthy companion. The time with Chicory allowed me to form one of the deepest connections I have felt with a dog. I hope Chicory felt this too.
The 9-day husky experience opened up a new level of understanding dogs for me. I started looking at my dogs differently. What was important to each dog and what role did they serve in the pack? What did each dog enjoy or what were they good at? Once I started answering these questions, I started seeing more value in each of my dogs, and I was able to see this in clients’ dogs and dogs I was rehabilitating. Once I figured out what was important to each dog, I could give the client activities and actions to do to help their dog behave and feel better.
There are things that all dogs typically value, although each dog may differ. This is where you have to figure out the dog you are working with. Try engaging in different activities with a dog and see what sparks his interest or gets a tail wagging.
Safety and security are usually the number one priority and importance for all dogs and humans. Humans’ safety in the modern world isn’t about hunting and keeping predators away in the same sense as dogs see it. We have new-fangled devices, cameras, alarms and such to do this job for us. But dogs don’t know this. We have to actively show them we are aware of our surroundings and potential danger. It is still the wild west to them. To be relevant to our dogs we MUST take a role in assessing safety, threats, and acknowledging what they find threatening or alarming. An example of how to do this is in Chicory’s story. Walk the perimeter of your yard with your dogs at least once a day. If you don’t have a yard, then look out the windows of your home with your dog. (There is that word again – “WITH”). The energy used when checking for safety is not a fearful or paranoid energy. You are not hiding and peeking around corners for danger. You are surveying your little kingdom to make sure it is safe like Chicory did. The purpose is to simply be aware of your environment. If your dog sees something that is interesting or alarming on a walk, take notice of it. To communicate to your dog that you notice something you need to be in their peripheral vision, turn your head to what they are noticing, glance at it, maybe sniff the air, and then move on, confidently. Yes, I said “sniff the air” – loud enough for your dog to hear you. Do this with intent to learn and be aware of what is around you. Many times, I see things like bluebirds, coyotes, or insects my dogs point out to me. Don’t fake it and think its stupid. Your dog will know. Performing these safety checks with your dog takes a few minutes each day. But the payoff is HUGE. You become relevant to your dog because you are partaking in what is important to them – their lives.
The second way to connect with dogs is to acknowledge their most powerful sense, their sense of smell. I have yet to meet a dog that doesn’t use his nose for gathering information about the world. The dogs that don’t use their noses, and use their eyes more, are usually fearful or reactive. Getting fearful and reactive dogs to use their nose will improve their behavior immensely. Humans hardly ever use their noses. Humans rely mostly on our sight. This creates a huge divide when we try to connect with our dogs. We are not speaking their language. If we engage in sniffing or investigating with our dogs like they do, we speak their language a little, and become more understandable to our dogs. When I see humans engage in sniffing with their dogs, every time the dog wags his tail. Sniffing with your dog means squatting down or bending while making audible sniffing noises in the direction of what your dog finds interesting. It may mean leading a dog over to the popular dog pee spots or stinky things in your neighborhood and encouraging them to sniff. Remember, this is not about what is gross to you, it’s about what is important to your dog. My dogs and I investigate the rock pile in my yard or critters’ burrows together daily. No matter where you live there are things dogs want to smell.
Actively sniffing with your dog will show them you are aware of their world. It can result in your dog following you better at other times, like when another dog is passing by. Plus, your dog is more likely to use his natural way of avoiding conflict by making space and sniffing the ground. In conflict, a dog has choices of fight, flight, or freeze to avoid conflict. Sniffing lets them exercise flight while saving face. Sniffing with a nose to the ground communicates to the other dog that your dog is not a threat and doesn’t want to fight. Avoiding conflict this way feels better to the dog than reacting and the dog often starts to default to this behavior. If a dog is afraid of an object, set the example of how he should check it out like a dog would by using your nose. Encouraging a dog to sniff novel or strange objects is guiding them to braver behavior.
Sniffing -
A workshop student connecting with a previously feral dog by mirroring his interest in sniffing.
So often we humans make our dogs walk by another dog with a tense or short leash while making them heel and taking away any options beside fight. Does this mean I allow my dogs to pull me all over the place sniffing stuff? No. Like everything there is a balance. My dogs know when I lead them over to something stinky they are allowed to sniff it. There are other times I don’t want them near or only allow a short sniff. (My dog Shiloh will roll in coyote poo, so her sniff time with coyote scat is limited to a pre-roll timeframe.) Sniffing feels good to dogs and people. Breathing through the nose calms the vagus nervous system in humans. Inhaling through the nose brings us humans out of fight, flight, or freeze mode and helps us use our upper brain. Imagine what it can do for dogs.
Other things that dogs enjoy and value range from hunting, digging in the dirt, environmental agility (climbing on things), puzzle solving, guarding, doing obedience, walks and hikes in nature, even hiding in the taller grass. Every dog is an individual. There is no fixed recipe that works for every dog. You have to figure it out and try things. The purpose of the dog’s breed(s) can be an indicator of what they may value, but not always. Whatever the dog enjoys, YOU MUST DO IT WITH the dog. If you ask a dog to climb on a rock, you do it first. If you ask the dog to dig, you dig too. Once the connection is made, I don’t have to get down and do these things as often with my dogs, but I still do it cause it’s fun. One thing I always do is survey the perimeter. Safety never goes out of style for dogs.
An example of digging to form a bond is with my feral foster puppy Remy. Remy had been in isolation at the shelter due to kennel cough during his main socialization period. He was brought in as a stray and would scream if he was touched. I took him home and put him in my yard. He liked my dogs, but was scared of me. He started digging in dirt part of the yard. I went over and dug with him, without looming over him and being too intrusive. He looked at me, wagged his tail just a bit, and kept digging. This was a connection made. Remy didn’t run away from me when I was doing what he liked. I always provide a digging hole for my dogs in my yard. A kiddie pool filled with dirt would suffice, or a place in the park down the street. But I highly recommend having a place your dog can dig with you if at all possible.
Hunting for food is one of the main purposes of a social group. Doing this with your dog can form a deep bond. I hunt mice with my previously feral and free-roaming dog Tipton. We live on 13 acres in the desert and I try to keep the area around the house mouse free. Tipton helps me and immediately showed an interest in hunting the mice when we moved in. He would indicate places where the mice were hiding. I started lifting up rocks and items the mice were under and Tipton swooped in and caught them. Is this kind of gross? Yeah, I guess. But Tipton has helped me immensely with our mouse problem and I am willing to get over the gross factor to do something with my dog that he loves.
The dogs don’t have to catch the mice to be involved in the process. Tipton and my other dog Chardonnay sniff the paths the mice have been taking during the last potty break of the night. Then, I set traps where they sniff. Tipton watches me set the traps, practically licking his lips in anticipation. We check the traps first thing in the morning as a pack. This kind of activity is at the core of survival for dogs. Tipton, Chardonnay and I are a team in catching food. I am a worthwhile pack member in helping them survive.
I realize most people won’t be able to catch mice with their dogs. I tell this story in hopes it will inspire people to get creative and do something with their dog that may resemble this. Just showing interest in a dog’s desire to investigate critters will do wonders. I used to follow fox tracks after a snow with my hounds. My dog Chardonnay loves to catch flies. So, I get the fly swatter and stun the flies for her. She catches them. I have another dog that doesn’t care about mice at all. She will sunbathe while we hunt mice. But she does care about beetles and bees. If she finds a bug and sniffs it, I acknowledge she found a prize, either by going over and looking at it, or telling her so. My dogs also love to eat juniper berries and apples from the neighborhood trees. I pick a few berries or apples when they are in season and the dogs have a snack on our walk.
My dogs, one previously feral, hunting for a mouse in the woodpile. I engage in this with them to become more important to them. We are surviving as a team.
Then I get to stack up the wood again.
Sometimes things that are important to a dog are so small to us, that we may overlook it. I was teaching a workshop with feral dogs and used a dog named Bob as an example of how to help a feral dog walk on leash. Bob is a hound mix, so he used his nose more than most feral dogs, and I encouraged that by mirroring him. The students noticed that Bob would go from clump of grass to another clump (about 12-16” high) and hide in the clumps before moving forward. The next day I led him between clumps of tall grass in a larger field. By my allowing and understanding Bob’s need to feel safe, he could be brave for a few seconds while he moved from one tall grass clump to the next. By allowing Bob to use his environment the way he felt safest allowed him to explore it better than if I would have made him walk across an open bare patch of dirt. He seemed to understand I would lead him to the next clump of grass. The following day he was coming out from behind the tall clumps on his own and was more willing to follow me into more open areas. I think my empathy to his safety and how he felt safe helped him be braver in the long run.
I want to put the relationship-based theory into a human situation to better explain this thought process. Let’s say I have a child that is super interested in computers and building computers. I don’t know much or care about computers, but I love watching dogs play. I have a couple choices. #1. I could make the child watch dogs instead of work with computers because that is what I like to do and want the child to do. If the child gets restless watching dogs, I can train him to sit still in a chair, with nothing else to do, perhaps giving him an M&M occasionally, so he doesn’t disturb me while I watch dogs. #2. I could provide the child with the items he needs to explore his interest, but not take much interest in his activities myself. Sometimes I may give him a computer to fiddle with while he accompanies me to watch dogs. Or #3. I could supply the child with the items he needs to explore his interest, while asking him to show me what he has made and explain what he has learned to me. I may even try a little soldering on the computer board myself while my child explains how to do it. I show sincere interest while setting boundaries. A boundary of the computer-making has to be in the garage and can’t interfere with schoolwork would be reasonable but still allow the child to explore his interests. The child may occasionally have to watch dogs with me because he is my child, but I won’t try or force him take an interest in it. Which one will produce a happier, fulfilled child that may like spending time with me? Probably the last one; plus I will have a built in IT helper in the house – which is a useful survival skill in today’s world. I don’t have to become a computer whiz myself, I just have to show authentic interest in what my child finds interesting. I will never be a dog, but I can sure take interest in, engage in, and promote what is important to my dog. Then I can use their attention that they give me, because they see me as valuable and relevant, to modify and improve their behavior.
This is a quick run-down of what it means to join a dog in what the dog finds important. It has nothing to do with getting the dog to do what YOU WANT. If you are having trouble getting a dog to do obedience, come when called, walk on leash politely, or pay attention or engage with you, try to enter that dog’s world and see what is important to him. By authentically engaging with dogs in a more dog-like, familiar way, we are honoring what dogs are. This will allow them to be valued for what they are and change behaviors accordingly. Building a relationship by connecting first builds a stronger foundation with dogs you are living with or training. Then other things, such as obedience training, will be so much easier on both the human and the dog. I try to form a powerhouse of relationship, supplemented with training, with dogs that the dogs will value. Keeping the things that a dog likes to in mind gives me multiple ways to try and connect with the dog I am working with.